Myths, Cycles, and the Stuff No One Talks About Because silence doesn’t just protect myths — it fuels the cycles.
✏️ "The myths we inherit become the cycles we repeat."
💥 MYTHS WE’D LIKE TO SLAP WITH A STICKER
MYTH: Kids are too young to notice.
TRUTH: Kids notice everything. Your tone. Your tension. Your tears. What they see, they absorb.
"I see it ALL." 🥺
MYTH: It’s not that bad.
TRUTH: If it hurts a child’s spirit, it’s that bad. Period.
"It hurts me, even if you say it’s okay." 🥺
MYTH: Violence is a “family matter.”
TRUTH: It’s a global matter.
"Even behind "closed doors," it matters more."🥺
MYTH: Talking about this is too heavy.
TRUTH: Silence is heavier. We carry it for generations.
"I carry it too, if no one talks."🥺
💥Bottom line: Kids notice EVERYTHING!
Myth No. 1 "Domestic Abuse is Only Physical."
TRUTH: Nope. Abuse isn’t just bruises. It's control, fear and erosion of freedom - often without a single hit. Sometimes it can be verbal, emotional, financial, spiritual, psychological, or silent withdrawal.
– Controlling who you see or what you wear
– Monitoring money or your phone
– Undermining confidence until you second-guess reality
😢 "Even if you don’t see bruises, I still feel the hurt."💥Bottom line: If it instills fear, erodes worth, or limits freedom—it’s violence. And it counts.
Myth No. 2 “Abuse Doesn't Play by Gender Rules.”
TRUTH: Abuse doesn’t care about gender—it cares about who wields power. Abuse is about control—not chromosomes.
What’s less reported? MALE victims. Why? Because stigma still whispers: “MAN UP. Don’t be weak.” This silence isn’t just damaging—it’s deadly and many suffer in silence, for years.
One powerful wake-up call? The “My Wife - My Abuser” video by the UK’s ManKind Initiative. 🎥 Watch the trailer
And until we treat male victims as equals, we’re not seeing the full picture.
😢 "No matter who it is... mum or dad being a meany - I’m the one who sees it all. I do!"💥Bottom line: And when kids watch this silence, they inherit the shame.
Myth No. 3 "Domestic Abuse is a Crime of the Poor and Uneducated".
TRUTH: Neither your "intelligence nor wealth" makes you immune—abuse makes itself at home in all postcodes. Domestic abuse is about power and control, not poverty or IQ.
😢 “It doesn’t matter who is rich or more educated— I just feel unsafe at home.”
💥Bottom line: And kids in every household have to carry the weight regardless.
Myth No. 4 "If the Victim Doesn't Leave, the Situation Must be Tolerable".
TRUTH: Leaving isn’t just hard—it’s dangerous. They stay because they’re terrified of retaliation. Of losing their kids. Or having no financial suport. Or—let’s not forget—because the abuser swears this time it’ll be different.
🔁 Victims often leave multiple times before it sticks. Why? Because abusers weaponize fear.
And sometimes, victims even grow attached to their abuser as a survival strategy. It’s called Stockholm Syndrome—where people start identifying with the very person hurting them because their brain thinks it’s safer to “make peace” than to fight or flee.
So no, staying doesn’t mean they’re OK. It means the risk of leaving feels like stepping off a cliff.
😢 "When you stay, I stay too — as I’m scared of jumping by myself."💥Bottom line: And all the while, children are left waiting in the fog, learning fear as normal.
Myth No. 5 ❌ "The Abuser Just Snapped."
Truth: Abuse isn’t a one-off meltdown. It’s a pattern—calculated, controlled, rehearsed. Abusers don’t "snap" at their boss. No, they save that bullying for the people behind "closed doors".
This isn’t about anger issues. It’s about power and control —brilliant STRATEGY.
As lawyer Natalia Otero put it: “Violence for them is not a random act—it’s a way of controlling a situation.”
So there is no excuse that someone “just lost it.” They didn’t. They planned it.
😢 “It feels planned, 'cuz I can always tell WHEN it’s coming.”
💥Bottom line: And children see the pattern long before adults admit it's there.
Toxic Roundabout (Beyond the Myths)
Myths might keep people comfortable but keeps victims trapped. Psychologists have long flagged the idea that abuse tends to follow a CYCLE: TENSION 
EXPLOSION APOL0GY REPEAT. to embed this in your psyche, I'll say it again— TENSION EXPLOSION APOL0GY REPEAT.
Had I known about this cycle, I would have stopped writing the endless “contracts” that were always broken.Instead, I would have walked away — and not lengthened my prison sentence of 23 years.
Tension Builds — eggshells, sick stomachs.
“I feel it before it starts.”
The Explosion — yelling, hitting, or silence used like a weapon.
“I cover my ears, but I still hear it.”
The Honeymoon Phase — roses, tears. “I’ll never do it again.”
(Even contracts will be signed with promises galore.)“I want to believe it is better this time.”- The Calm/Fog — confusion, tiptoeing, self-doubt.
“I pretend it’s normal so I can breathe.”
Bottom line: Kids confuse “calm” with “safe” — and carry that forward.